What makes someone instantly likable? Is it their smile, their listening skills, or perhaps something more subtle that we can't quite put our finger on? For decades, researchers in social psychology have been studying the factors that contribute to interpersonal attraction and likability.
Recent neuroscience research has revealed that when we interact with people we find likable, our brain's reward centers activate in patterns similar to those observed when we receive tangible rewards. This suggests that likable interactions are intrinsically rewarding to our brains.
The Warmth-Competence Model
One of the most robust findings in social psychology is that people evaluate others along two primary dimensions: warmth and competence. Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy and her colleagues have demonstrated that these two traits account for up to 80% of our judgments of others.
Warmth encompasses traits like friendliness, trustworthiness, and empathy, while competence includes capability, intelligence, and skill. Interestingly, research shows that warmth judgments typically take precedence over competence judgments, meaning we first want to know if someone has good intentions before we care about their ability to act on those intentions.
The Role of Authenticity
While many people believe that likability requires conforming to others' expectations, research suggests the opposite. Studies show that authentic self-expression actually increases likability. When people sense that you're being genuine rather than putting on an act, they're more likely to trust and connect with you.
This doesn't mean sharing every thought that crosses your mind, but rather expressing your true values and perspectives in socially appropriate ways.
Emotional Intelligence and Likability
Research by Daniel Goleman and others has established strong links between emotional intelligence and likability. People who can accurately perceive, understand, and respond to others' emotions tend to be more likable.
This makes intuitive sense: when someone acknowledges how we feel and responds appropriately, we feel understood and validated. This creates a positive emotional connection that forms the foundation of likability.